Monthly Archives: June 2014

9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won’t Do

In his article, 9 Things that Emotionally Intelligent People Won’t Do, author Travis Bradberry outlines behaviors and practices that Emotionally Intelligent people stay clear of that allows them to lead happier and healthier lives.  This is part 1 of 2, stay tuned!

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won’t do as it is about what you will do. TalentSmart has tested more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence.

They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

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The role of Empathy in the Workplace

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  -Maya Angelou

Understanding Empathy and the role it plays in the workplace is not easy…it’s often a misinterpreted term to begin with.  People may think that it involves “understanding” how others feel but the understanding is an intellectual function.  Empathy involves emotion or feeling.  It is about relating to another’s situation through feeling their pain or frustration.  The ability to empathize with others is the ability to relate to them and relationships exist in our lives both personally and professionally.

Empathy in Corporate America is a rare occurrence to say the least.  We are driven by the bottom line and by intellect.  However, Empathy can lead the way back to honoring the human component of emotion in the workplace.  It serves to connect people and to establish support and teamwork.  As a manager or leader in your organization, be a model of wholeness for your team.  When your workplace environment is emotionally sterile, it actually costs the company in by-products such as poor performance, poor retention, burnout and absenteeism.  While Empathy will not correct all of these issues, it can go a long way toward uniting people and when people feel connected, they tend to work happier and harder.

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Personality tests and performance

Wonder how a Personality test will help improve commincation?  The DISC is a great tool for understand your own behavior style and how you relate to others…Take a look and see where you fit:

What do the letters mean?

D Dominance
Person places emphasis on accomplishing results, the bottom line, confidence
– Sees the big picture
– Can be blunt
– Accepts challenges
– Gets straight to the point
Learn more

I Influence
Person places emphasis on influencing or persuading others, openness, relationships
– Shows enthusiasm
– Is optimistic
– Likes to collaborate
– Dislikes being ignored
Learn more

S Steadiness
Person places emphasis on cooperation, sincerity, dependability
– Doesn’t like to be rushed
– Calm manner
– Calm approach
– Supportive actions
– Humility
Learn more

C Conscientiousness
Person places emphasis on quality and accuracy, expertise, competency
– Enjoys independence
– Objective reasoning
– Wants the details
– Fears being wrong
Learn more


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Finding your inner courage

Courage is defined as the inner strength needed to overcome fear.  Those fears need not be overwhelming in order to summon courage and brave a new task or face an uncomfortable situation.  Many us of have fears that prevent us from doing our best work…perhaps it’s fear of talking on the phone or public speaking, both of which may be required of your position at work.  How then do we battle our fears and ultimately overcome them?  Growing your courage factor is like expanding anything else about your physical or emotional being.  It takes a willingness to be vulnerable and plenty of practice!  Ask yourself the following questions regarding Courage and then you will be able to map out an action plan:

  • What do I fear?

  • Why do I fear it?

  • When am I courageous these days?

  • What ingredients within me contribute to my courage?

  • What actions do I now take that reflect courage?

  • Where else can I use these actions?

  • What do I gain by being courageous?

  • What else do I want to be courageous about?

Begin to map out the incremental steps you will take to face this fear.  Write them down!  Make the coming journey very familiar before you step onto the path.  Create a timeline for these steps…allow yourself to feel emotional and find the balance within.  Celebrate small victories; this reinforces your courage and helps you live expansively!

Put your actions into play both at work and at home… you will find that connecting with your inner courage allows you to envision promotions, set lofty goals and think bigger than you ever have…

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No Excuses

No Excuses

6 tricks for jumping off the excuse train and forging the path to your goals.

Great people throughout history often fail, quite miserably, before finally reaching their goals, says international business strategist Dan Waldschmidt, author of “Edgy Conversations: How Ordinary People Achieve Outrageous Success.”

“Winston Churchill lost every public election until becoming prime minister at age 62; Henry Ford went bankrupt five times; Albert Einstein was expelled from school; Sigmund Freud was booed from a stage,” notes Waldschmidt.

“Ideas, brilliance, genius—they all mean nothing without the guts, passion, and tenacity necessary to make your dream a reality. But often, people fall back on excuses and give up on trying to reach their goals.”

Waldschmidt offers six tricks for jumping off the excuse train and forging the path to your goals:

  1. Avoid the need to blame others for anything.
  2. Stop working on things that just don’t matter.
  3. Refuse to let yourself wallow in self-doubt. You’re alive to succeed. Go conquer.
  4. Ask yourself, “What can I do better next time?” And then do it next time.
  5. Proactively take time to do things that fuel your passion.
  6. Apologize to yourself and those around you for having a bad attitude.

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The Leadership Deficit

The Leadership Deficit

Top 5 leadership skill deficiencies, according to APQC research.

Article Author: 


Nearly 80 percent of 547 respondents indicate that current business challenges require a different leadership style, but only 21 percent believe their organization’s leadership practices are effective, according to a new study, “The Leadership Deficit,” from APQC, a nonprofit leader in benchmarking and best practices research, and sponsored by THEaster Consulting. Further, 46 percent report that their organization places little or no priority on leadership development.

When skills needed versus skills employees possess were compared, APQC identified the following as the top five leadership skill deficiencies:

  • Strategic planning
  • Change management
  • Knowledge sharing
  • Listening
  • Emotional Intelligence

Interesting information from Training magazine this month…how does your organization stack up to the statistics?  Let us help address the Leadership Deficit.

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Managing through conflict

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it” –Anonymous

Conflict is a part of our lives, both personally and professionally.  It has to be accepted as such, but some deal with conflict far better than others and ultimately live more peaceful lives as a result.

In a workplace setting, Conflict can arise from a variety of sources such as power struggles, poor communication, or personality differences.  All of these factors can present rather complicated challenges and often have multiple sub-factors going on for each party involved.  However, as a Leader in your organization, it is essential that you discover methods for diffusing conflict with creative, mutuality-based solutions.  Our own personalities play such a big part in the way we approach a conflict; some choose to simply avoid dealing with it.  However, no resolution will be made with this tactic.  Some will acquiesce if they are not confident in their leadership skills, but giving in also does not resolve the conflict in a mutually fair way.  Some leaders will compete and insist that they get their way with no room for the other party to feel gratified.  Some will compromise which far closer to a resolution than any of the above approaches, but both parties have to give plenty to receive only some.  Finally, some leaders understand the value of collaboration.  This is the best scenario, but also the hardest to achieve effectively.  It takes time, understanding, emotional intelligence and perseverance.  However the result of collaborating through a conflict is that both parties receive far more in the end while strengthening the relationship.  This mutually satisfying resolution is the goal of any conflict and natural leaders will be able to employ this method due to the trust they have built with their team members. 

For more information on managing through conflict, please read Managing from the Inside Out by Jim Hornickel.  Available at

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Why Platinum is stronger than Gold

Remember the Golden Rule we were all taught in gradeschool?  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  This rule implies the assumption that other people would like to be treated the same way you would like to be treated…When we really think about this notion, it appears rather self-oriented and assuming. Have you ever heard of the Platinum Rule?  The Platinum Rule states: "treat others the way they want to be treated".  It sounds over-simplified, but isn’t it the very goal of our desire to treat others kindly and with respect?  The Platinum Rule accommodates the feelings of others and opens us up to an exploration of
what do they want and how am I able to give it to them?  It is a productive form of thinking that advances our relationships positively.  When we are able to internalize this doctrine, we see the world in a new light.  We view our relationships through a different lens. Personal relationships will surely benefit from Platinum Rule thinking; however it is not about becoming submissive in any way, in fact it is an empowering notion.  It’s about expanding our thinking and creating the conditions for positive reciprocity within a relationship.  This applies equally to relationships at work. The Platinum Rule will transform your professional relationships to create a stronger, healthier framework for dealing with workplace challenges. Conflicts arise in any workplace environment.  We can become more equipped to deal with them proactively by simply applying the Platinum Rule thinking to the situation.  The conflict can be addressed respectfully while strengthening the relationship rather than deteriorating it.  It also opens the door for the mutual exchange of thoughts and respect which in turn boosts morale. X

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Finding the Courage to Succeed

"Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -Christopher Robin to Pooh"  A classic sentiment from A.A. Milne’s most beloved characters…And not irrelevant at all in our modern, stressful world.  Courage is something we all possess and must tap into at intervals of change and challenge.  Most often, however it is needed when we are experiencing moments of fear.  In the workplace, fear can arise when we must confront a coworker, handle an important project we don’t feel qualified for, or ask a boss for a pay raise.  Whatever your level of fear around the topic, courage is the antidote.  Growing your "courage factor" is like expanding anything else about yourself…it takes the ability and willingness to be conscious and to practice.  Like muscles needing to be worked to strengthen, so too does our courage factor need to be exercised.  If you desire a promotion or secretly wish you could be an inspiring leader to others, but feel inadequate then perhaps fear is the culprit.  The realization that one can overcome that fear and build their courage is liberating in and of itself.  By focusing on developing your courage through practice and determination, one can dramatically change their reaction to fearful situations and gain confidence and resolve as a result.  Many public figures whom we admire admit to living in fear at various times in their lives, yet we see them as larger than life and immune to "negative" traits like fear and insecurity.  However, they have risen above their fears through courage and honed their speaking skills, leadership abilities or remarkable talents to become the admired people they are today. 

We have to believe that the result is greater than the fear.  And we have to practice in incremental ways, what we fear most in order to progress toward our goals.  A determined, conscious effort with courage will ultimately bring you closer to your goals. 

To learn more about Courage and Management and learn strategies for practicing skills, please see
Managing from the Inside Out by Jim Hornickel.

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